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14 March 2012 @ 06:52 am
I Told You I Want To Die  
Title: I Told You I Want To Die
Author: cafekkokure
Chapters: 3/8
Band: Alice Nine
Pairing: Hiroto x Nao
Rating: R
Warnings: Angst, Mentions of self-harm, Suicide, Trigger Warning
Summary: Please, I really miss you, I love you.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story.
Author Notes: Please do not shoot me for this one. Please for the love of god. /hides/ This one is written a bit differently from the others and will probably be considerably shorter in length because of how it's written. I also took liberty to put some Korean in there since Hiroto knows Korean anyway, so why not. Enjoy.
Previous Chapters:  Ch I: Even in my Dreams  | Ch II: On Rainy Days

Dear Nao,

I've told myself I've been in control of all things going on in my life lately. I told myself that in order to try to convince myself that I wasn't completely losing it or something like that. I know that everyone else can see differently. The dark circles under my eyes only get worse. I never wear anything but long sleeved shirts anymore. I'm sure Shou is suspicious. Nothing every passes up that man. But I really wonder do you know what I've been doing? It's been so long since we've broken apart. We still talk, and I still smile at you like I'm over everything, even though I'm not, nor will I ever be over everything. I sit here at home, putting myself through the pain of knowing I can never have you back. All the tears I've shed for you before and since then have only doubled. I rarely sleep. You're always on my mind. You're always there in the back of my head, smiling, laughing. Why is it that you're there to constantly torture me? It wouldn't be so bad if we were still together, but we're not. So hearing your voice in the back of my head all the time is like you're indirectly taking a knife, and driving it thru my heart. It hurts so much. You haven't seen the scars, the bruises. I do this to myself. Maybe in the hopes I'll stop being haunted by you, and our memories together. I guess I've had the thoughts in my head for a while now. I mean, I've already been tearing myself apart for almost a year now. Why not just get it over with. It'll be better. I won't have to feel pain anymore. I won't have to cry myself to sleep at night. I guess what I've been meaning to say is, all I want to do is die. I can't live anymore without you next to me. It hurts too much. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for the band, or for you. I'm sorry that it's probably my fault you left me in the first place that we broke up, even though you never really told me the reason. I wish you nothing but happiness, cause I do love you very much. I always did, and I still do, even now. Please take care of the others.


Love, Hiroto

He stood frozen to the spot, hands shaking as he read the letter. He almost didn't dare turn on the light to the younger's bedroom, afraid of what he'd see. Reaching up, he flipped the light switch to the on position. The older man found the other laying on his bed motionless, hand hanging off the edge limply. Slowly Nao walked around to the side that his arm was hanging off of. There he found an empty bottle of pills. Tears fell from his eyes as he fell to the floor sobbing.


*This is Korean for "I can only say I want to die
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Don't Love | F.T. Island
Emmaemmzidance on March 13th, 2012 10:08 pm (UTC)
No no no!

ugh I'm having tears now v.v


This is breaking me ・゚゚・(≧д≦)・゚゚・

But I need to remind myself that its just a fanfiction *nods*

If I get this right...

Hiroto loves Nao?
Nao love Shou?
Shou love Hiroto?

Please don't kill Hiroto! v.v

Get Nao to take him to the hospital! Dx
Then Nao get together with Hiroto and later Hiroto understands that he don't love him anymore and moves on! *nods* hahah...I'm sorry, I can't help it :c

I really wonder what happens....Hiroto..
つよいるい 「花」cafekkokure on March 13th, 2012 10:15 pm (UTC)
Wasn't aiming for that kind of love triangle but I'll admit if that's the love triangle you got I'll go with it cause I'm wondering why that didn't pop into my head x.x;;

Well I can't say in my brain it'd have a happy ending. It's a kinda yet not open ending. In the reality of my head when it comes to this fic, Hiroto was dead when Nao found him sjdflskdf