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21 March 2012 @ 04:54 am
すべてへ  
Title: すべてへ
Chapters: 5/8
Author: cafekkokure
Rating: PG
Band: Alice Nine
Pairing: Implied pairing (can be whatever you want or imagine it to be)
Warnings: Drama, Angst
Symbolism: Colour
Summary: It may not be real, but I ridiculously discharge my illusions.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than the story.
Author Notes: I knew eventually using this song as a song prompt to write was going to happen. I just didn't know when. I have a extremely huge attachment to this song and I love it to death. This is a little bit less angsty than the last two chapters. Comments are always appreciated and enjoyed ! 
Previous Chapters:  Ch I: Even in my Dreams  | Ch II: On Rainy Days | Ch III: I Told You I Want To Die | Ch IV: Lies



I have never understood how things could have gone so wrong with us. Everything was going just fine, we talked all the time, we laughed till we cried, and we always said good morning an good night to one another. So when did you start doubting the feelings I held in my heart? How could you think that after all that time, that I could suddenly just start hating you, or even worse, stop loving you all together. I love you and everything that is about you. You dyed my world with colours, turning it from a dull grey to something beautiful. Why can't you understand it? Or were those colours dyed falsely into my heart, planted there for you to toy and play with until you felt you'd hurt me enough? Why won't you give me a straight answer? I told myself over and over again that you were just being a bit self conscious because you had been hurt before. But that probably wasn't the case was it? You probably have lied to me all this time. All the tears I cried over you, trying to improve myself to make our relationship better, easier on both of us. 

A world I created with you by my side, dyed falsely in colours I'd found so beautiful. I can't come to hate those colours, the memories, or the world I'd created with you. I wonder why that is? Is it because I want discard the feelings of hopelessness, to exchange it for a little bit of lost hope, with the intent of believing things would get better. It's funny how the closer you are to a person, the more it hurts when you lose them. I want to be able to hold onto the feeling of having you in my arms every day, hearing you call my name, I just want to keep adding up our memories. I don't want to have to start treating them like painful things. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want to living a world full of colour, untouchable by the colour grey. If we break apart, the colours you dyed me with, will they fade away or will they remain here, planted like a seed, but unable to grow? 

I'm in love with you. I'm in love with everything. No matter how naive this is, I'm this way. I love to be in love with you. I want to continue fighting my way down this road with you. I want to believe it can an will get better. But you have to want to try to make it better. If it ends, the pain will remain here with me in my heart because I'll be unable live with it. Colours set in my life by you, if I ever found someone new, the colours they plant would paint over the ones left by you. Yet, they'd forever remain. You can't erase memories, or love for a person from the heart or mind. I don't see how we could do that to one another. Or maybe I'm the only one who hasn't given up. Perhaps you've given up on me and now yourself. Why couldn't you tell me when you were sad, or hurting? Every time I'd ask you'd just say you were fine, and when I asked again and again, you'd still keep saying it. Why couldn't you just talk to me?

I won't waver from my path that I walk along, I'll keep going forward.

I went a long way round, even if my wounds hurt.
Sounds overflow from my fingertips.


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Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Don't Say Goodbye | CN Blue